I won’t lie, I got a little anxious as time went by. Not just because I was so scared about the group announcements and getting or not getting what I had asked for. I’m not stupid. I know my first choice had all kinds of troubles attached, me being a hyperventilating wreck on main being probably the smallest of them. I have amazing brainsoup. The things that could go wrong!

Also, I read slow af. And there could be six people in my group and then that is 18k to read plus queries. I need time for that. I want to give good and useful feedback. Not that I am always convinced I can do that. I try to be very gentle (I think) with my feedback, trying to take into consideration from where the author is coming and why the things are written the way they are.

(Listen, LISTEN, the flak nd writers get under the guise of feedback each day every day! Do not tempt me. I will rant!)

When the mail with the announcement came in I was excited! And then I was devastated.

I had not received any workshop with my first choice.

It was a punch in the gut. No way around it, I cried, because, damn! I wanted this so bad. Another dream broken. Despite it being all double edged and such. The heart wants what the heart wants.

It didn’t help that I got my query workshop with C. L. Polk. Nothing against them, truly. It’s just – they’re the headliner. Like, I got the headliner and was crying my stupid little heart out over not getting my first choice. How petty does that even feel?!?

Also, I did get my second choice for the 3k workshop. Like, I did well. Stars were aligning to teach me excellently [Good Things] and I cry. I felt sad, ungrateful, and undeserving.

Thank the stars for my writing community that lets my wail and cry over such things, too. I mean, how does that look on main? Do not want.

The 500 word workshop would with an agent that already turned down the first part of the series. I expected that to be fun, in case she even remembered it. But agents get a lot of subs. And while I dream of being special enough to remember, I don’t believe it. Especially not after a form rejection.

At least my pay-to-play fears were now alleviated.